It’s finally come, come to knock down my door

I can’t hide this time like I hid before

Monster from Frozen- The Musical

It has been over a year since I last wrote a post!

There has been times where I wish that I picked it up again but something had stopped me. I think that I felt ashamed.

I was ashamed that I had started something and then had a bit of blip on the weight loss side of things and felt that I would be letting people down, so I made an unconscious decision to just stop writing.

Something that I regretted doing then and even more so now.

The more that I tried to write and update you all, I was filled with fear and dread.

As I write this now, I am listening to Frozen- the Broadway soundtrack to a song called Monster and Elsa sings “It’s finally come, come to knock down my door
I can’t hide this time like I hid before ” and that is how I felt when it came to the blog. I had the FEAR!

This fear is something that I am trying to overcome and like Elsa, I can’t keep hiding like I have been.

Sadly, I have to tell you that I am at my heaviest weight again so I have decided that I am starting down that scary path of losing weight again.

Over the last few months, I have made little changes here and there, however in the past few weeks I have been making more and more changes. I am fully committed to this.

As this will be a brand new journey and a fresh start- I decided to start blogging again- with all that said- welcome back to my fresh start which includes an updated blog- Digging For Gold!

Digging For Gold will be focused on a myriad of different things. My battle with my weight as well as my opinions on different books, TV shows, movies and musicals!

The new blog title might confuse most of you, to me it makes perfect sense. Right now, i feel am like a lump of coal, waiting for the layers (of blubber) to be chipped away until the gold comes through.

Over the last year, a lot has happened. We are now fully settled in Kendal and really enjoying living here. I have a new job that i am really loving, which I think has helped me to become more confident and helped me to able to face my fears.

The seasons have changed, weather has got colder, the nights are drawing in and the end of 2019 is nigh!

2019 has been a huge challenge for me but I am determined to make this change, again! But this time will be different!

I will be taking it at my own pace, not trying to keep up with everyone else around me and will not be using social media as a means to judge myself with. We are all different and it is time to embrace this challenge and realise that inside of me is the gold that people have often told me that i am.

I will be updating you all on my journey again but the blog won’t just be focusing on losing weight all the time, otherwise I fear that I will get disheartened again when the scales don’t reflect how I feel.

Instead, I will go digging for gold wherever I can find it! Whether that is a new restaurant, a good book, an enthralling movie or TV series, or just my rambling thoughts (trust me I have plenty of those!).

I really hope that you will join me on my journey digging for gold, I would really appreciate it. If you have anything that you would like to me to write about please let me know but remember that I am no Shakespeare. I am just someone who enjoys blogging and writing.

If you don’t already follow my blog, please do. It would mean a lot 🙂

To end this first post back after my hiatus, I would like to share with you another lyric from Frozen the musical which i have needed to tell myself a lot over this past year. It has come to mean a lot to me.

I may not have said goodbye to dark and fear fully yet, but I am trying. Please help me fill this world with light and love 🙂

Goodbye to dark and fear

Let’s fill this world with light and love

Elsa + Anna- Frozen the Musical

Hello? Is anybody there?

If you are still reading- I am back!

It may have been two and half months but I am back writing again. Finally!

A few people have asked when the next update would be, and so I thought that now would be a good time to update you on what has been happening since the last post. When I last posted, I was in a good place. I was losing weight and I was happy and most importantly feeling good about myself. We then had a lovely holiday in July exploring and seeing family and then the blues hit! Man was I unprepared for those blues.

The weight loss hit a stalemate and it would not budge! I found that my confidence was at an all time low. I thought if I took a little break from blogging and tried to find the motivation and confidence again to get back at it, I would be fine. I now realise that I was wrong. The motivation and confidence didn’t come back.  The weight loss had stopped and the weight gained started again, not a huge amount was gained but it made me feel really bad and quite angry at myself.

In the midst of all this going on, I did get a new job in late July  which I am really enjoying! I think that has something to do with why I am back blogging. Over the last few weeks, I have started to feel a little bit more confidence as I have started to lose weight again. The good news for me is that I am starting to enjoy losing weight again.

I have even got some new walking boots and new found love for exercise so I am excited to get back at it. It has taken a long time but I am excited for a walk in the Lakes. I used to like it when I was younger but then I hit my tweenage years and found out that I enjoyed TV more than the outdoors so each time the idea of going for a walk or any form of exercise was put to me, I rebelled. I found that the more I rebelled, the more I convinced myself that I didn’t like walking or exercise. I am ready to change that. I am finally ready.

I am looking forward to losing more weight, keeping to my goals and getting back at it once more. This time feeling more mentally prepared. I think I got scared when the weight loss stopped and thought that it wouldn’t continue but this happens and I know that! I just wasn’t ready!

I am ready now! I am ready! Are you with me?

As usual, I welcome any tips and thoughts. Positive thoughts only! I have had enough of negativity and negative thoughts.

I will see you again, same time next week!

 

 

 

Coo-eee!!

It has only been two days since I last posted but I thought I would update you a day or two earlier.

Since I last posted I have worked out that I have lost six pounds since I started this blog series! I am so excited to see what’s going to happen.

I feel different, I don’t know if other people can tell or not yet but i can’t wait until the weight loss is more noticeable.

For years and years, I have always wanted to try and be more health conscious but never been able to stick with it. Too tempted by the doughnuts or the cake! This time it seems to be staying!

It’s a well known fact that I have been rude to family when they’ve suggested going on walks. I have always said that I didn’t want to go but in reality, I did want to! I just felt like I was burdening them to going at snails pace, and I felt like I was being judged. I have realised that I was the one who was judging myself.

There have been some days where I have looked in the mirror and counted the things that I would change, and although I’m trying not to do that anymore, I do catch myself doing it. The list has been quite long over the years and not always limited to weight.

However over these last few days I have noticed that the list is getting smaller, as the waist line shrinks!

I couldn’t be prouder of myself and I hope that i will remember that feeling the next time the scales annoy me!

I recently saw a quote on Instagram which reads-” The woman I was yesterday introduced me to the woman I am today; which makes me excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow.” As soon as I saw read that I fell in love with it. It immediately made sense to me. It made me even more determined that all the set backs that I have had already on this path have made me- me!

Today’s update is that I have lost another pound! Yay!!! Go me! Yes, I am aware that I am tooting my own horn, but I don’t care!! I’m doing it Mum and Dad, look at me, I’m doing it!

Most of you will know that I am obsessed with musicals, and recently I have fallen in love with the Waitress Musical with music written by Sara Bareilles.

There is song called ‘What Baking Can Do’ with a lyric which says “so with flour on my hands, I’ll show them all how goddamn happy I am!”

Why is she telling me this? I hear you all cry. I’ve been changing the lyrics to “with weight-loss on my hands, I’ll show them all how goddam happy I am!” It has been so motivating to me going on this journey and with you all too. I have been so much happier since losing those 6 pounds so just you wait and see what happens next!

Once again, thank you so very much for your lovely and kind comments. It means the world to me. It helps me immensely to know that I am not alone!

Please keep sending messages and comments!!

See you soon!!

Hello everybody!

It’s been a little over two weeks since I’ve last spoken to you all in this blog series.

The truth is that I lost a lot of confidence over these last few weeks and have been trying to find my way back to full confidence and fighting fit again.

The burning question that i know that you all want the answer to is what has happened with the weight loss? The answer is not much happened until today when I lost another pound. 😁

My weight has not gone back up but it did plateau for a little while, which was not fun! I was crabby and moody despite the fact that I knew that this was going to happen. It does not stop it hurting and winding me up knowing the effort and the heart that is going into this.

The warmth and the heat has not helped much with giving me the enthusiasm to continue or to add more exercise in to the regime or to carry on eating more healthily than I have been.

I’ll admit I did have an ice cream or two- but it was worth it!

After a rough few weeks and feeling down with the lack of improvement and other things in the last few days, I had a breakthrough. I decided to stop letting anxiety and fear rule my life, and to just be me.

Inside the version of me that I am now is a slimmer, brighter star that just needs a chance to shine, which is precisely what I am going to do.

This time next year- I will be a shining star 🌟

The first step on the road to this new me was buying some new summer dresses. Usually I would stay well away from the dresses section in any shop but this time I was ready to face the challenge.

I picked up two lovely dresses from George at ASDA, but was I ready to wear them out of the house? The answer was YES! Two days after I bought them, I was out of the house wearing one. Before this weight loss commitment, these dresses would have stayed in the back of the wardrobe for years, but this time I was ready for it!

Low confidence immediately turned to high confidence with a big smile after lovely comments from Peter and some reassurance and kind comments from my best friend lead to me leaving the house in it!

That was it! That was the push that I needed. The confidence was back and the mojo I had previous lost was restored, and I think that is what led to this weeks weight loss.

I will update you next week on the progress or lack of it!

Once again, thank you for the kind words of support and enthusiasm! ❤️😁 it really does mean the world to me.

Exhausted.

Why you may ask? I’m not entirely sure but I have been very tired over the last few weeks.

I have not had a particularly busy two weeks other than working.

I think that the reason that I am tired is due in part to the heat but also to the expectations, the disappointment as well as the excitement that life brings.

Since we have last spoken I have not really done much! It’s been a case of work, eat, sleep, watch Suits and repeat.

The 17th of June was Father’s Day, and this year was the first fathers day that I had spent working and I spent the day feeling incredibly guilty that I was not celebrating with my brilliant dad or my lovely father in law. However, in the evening after work we popped over to my parents to celebrate with my dad!

My dad always has been and always will be one of my biggest inspirations in life.

He always picks me up when I am down, usually with some ridiculous joke or with his goofy smile. He is always on hand with his sage advice, or a huge cuddle when it is needed.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank my daddy for all that he has done for me, and now for Peter too. You’re the best!

It was then back to work for one more day before being off for two days! Yay!

It was time for me to bring out my inner domestic goddess as I blitzed the house whilst performing around 20 musicals all by myself and binge watched Suits- all in all, my weekend was a success!

From the 21st to the 25th of June, it was time for this little busy bee to head back to work. My evenings were spent watching more and more of Suits and drinking tea whilst Peter shouted and cheered at the footie!

I really don’t understand that game- I mean I’ve tried but to no avail! I think for now I’ll just stick to Suits as it’s just safer for all involved.

On Tuesday 26th, Peter and I headed into Kendal to potter and shop in the glorious sunshine. We also had a lovely little picnic in the garden! I know what you are all thinking? Couple goals ❤️😂 in reality, we had to eat inside because it was just TOO HOT!

This brings us back around to today. We went to Holker Hall in Grange-Over-Sands and looked around the stunning house- it really is amazing there! The history of the house fascinated me! I think that I may have to make Holker Hall my new second home, if I ever get tired of Kendal! You know where to find me!

We also explored the vast and beautiful gardens. They are so well kept and lovely to wander around in. You could get lost in the gardens there! We also had a delicious picnic in the sunshine and took in the wonderful view. I’d love to go back there as I feel like we must have missed something!

I feel so refreshed and renewed now more so than the tired and grumpy Abbey that left work on Monday night ( if not more than a little sweaty!)

I am ready to take on the world again!

BRING IT ON!

See you again next week!

What a week I have had since I last posted! I have had so many lovely comments and the wealth of support has been amazing!

It has been a hard week! Now I had made some changes already but it was time to make more of them and let me tell you the first few days were terrible! I was so moody and oh so hungry which as many of you will know, that is a bad combination!

It seemed that more effort that I put in, the more crisps and chocolate I craved but I kept going. The determination began to waver when it was time to weigh myself! Stepping on the scales with my heart pounding and my fingers crossed to find that had nothing had been lost. The consolation was that nothing had been gained either.

For those of you who know me, you’ll know that I like to strop! I stropped like there was no tomorrow. The sadness and despondency had set in, and i was just stood there wishing for the scales to change, but this is not a Disney movie! They didn’t change no matter how many times you wish upon a star.

I stayed moody for a few hours but then I was very much back on the bandwagon and all was well again, back to the exercise and better food choices which carried on until weigh in day arrived again!

It was the same! Nothing! Nada! Nothing lost but nothing gained again! The even moodier and hungrier Abbey was back! However you will be pleased to know that only for a few moments as after a loving pep talk from Mr Millwood- I felt reenergised and ready to keep going. My confidence was back on track. I have to say that my husband has an amazing way with words!

I was bouncing back once more and I was carrying on with the plan! This time I was even more honest and determined than before. I was shunning chips and Bath buns for salad and yoghurt! ( obviously not together!)

It was soon time to weigh myself again but this time I hopped onto the scales without dread just with hope.

I waited with baited breath to find out that I had LOST ONE POUND! I had actually lost it!! It is here that I must apologise to Mr Millwood as we were supposed to be getting ready to leave the house but I just kept checking it. Again and again and again!

Now I am aware that one pound is not a lot, but to me- that one pound means everything!

That was it! There was movement! Movement!

I am so ready for the week ahead and the challenges I will inevitably face, but you know what?! Bring it on!!

Once again, a massive thank you to everyone who read these posts and to those of you who commented, it means the absolute world to me! Please, please keep it going!

More positive encouragement will be needed this week, and if you have any advice please do let me know!!!

Determined.

This past week has been an interesting and emotional one. Now in reality not much has happened but I’ve changed lots.

Over the last few months, I have procrastinated like a boss, over many different things from cleaning to dieting but not actually made any changes.

Until this week.

Why now, I hear you cry? This is where you will all laugh but on Tuesday 5th June, after going back to Lancaster, I decided to get another piercing (sorry to my parents!) we headed over to my parents house to have dinner and watch the Greatest Showman( finally!) I was inspired.

The film lead me to have a sleepless night trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, to figure out what my goals were and what I wanted. After much soul searching- I decided that I wanted to lose weight and follow a much healthier lifestyle.

On Wednesday 5th June, I sat down to write one of the hardest posts of my life as cliched as that sounds. After months of this blogging malarkey, I decided to be open and honest and write a post about my battle with my weight. It took about two hours to write it on paper, before editing it and then i started to write it on the computer. Trying to find the right words.

I started typing and ‘Let It Go’ from Frozen played on my phone, and that’s what I have chosen to do. I’m letting go of my weight, and my food anxiety. When I had finished, I sent it to my mother to read and she shared it on her Facebook page and she then encouraged me to share it in our family what’sapp groups which I did after much deliberation. A few hours later, my loving husband shared on his Facebook page which made me pause for thought and a few minutes after I made my move after months of secrecy.

I shared it on Facebook. I know right?! Brave! 😂

Within in minutes, many friends had read the blog and were leaving lovely and supportive comments on the Facebook post. My anxiety over posting something so personal on my Facebook page had faded.

A little while later, I checked my phone and watched in shock as comment after comment came flooding in. I was bowled over by the support and love that i received. That night people in their hundreds from all over the world had read my blog post and the messages were still coming.

I’ll admit that the next few days back at work were not as exciting as the previous days last week but it made my day watching the statistics on that post rise.

If you left a comment on that blog post thank you so so much. It means the world to me.

This week I have been determined and I still am determined and my time is now.

# ThisGirlCanLoseWeight

This time next year, I will be a healthy weight.

The past few years have been a huge struggle for me when it comes to my weight. Close friends and my family, you will be aware of that but for those who are not in the ‘circle of trust’ may be surprised.

Over the last 10 years, I have tried numerous diets and followed advice from many people but nothing has stuck, so after years and I mean years of being stuck in a rut- I am doing something about it.

After being inspired by a television show, I decided to take losing the weight seriously and I really hope that it doesn’t find me again!

At the moment of me writing this, I am at the heaviest I have ever been, which I am now not ashamed to admit. However it does upset me to admit that I am that weight. I am a dips and chips and prosecco o’clock gal so for me, this will be an intense struggle, but 26 years old, it is way past due!

I thought about doing this blog series last year but as usual, I got distracted- probably by food! 😂 but mostly because I was ashamed.

In May 2018 after a few false starts I came to the conclusion a new house and a new(ish) job signalled a new start for me. I want to say farewell to the sad tears in the shower and those awful moments in changing rooms when I declare that ‘it looks good but it would look better on someone slimmer, not me.’

IT IS TIME!

It’s time to throw away those fears that I can’t do it and to wave hello to the new Abbey. The happy and healthier Abbey, the one who isn’t afraid of a challenge, the ups and downs of weight loss and who won’t be despondent when the scales show a weight that I’m not happy with.

I have tried, I have failed and given up before, but this time I want to do it. Before it always felt like I was just doing for other people so my heart wasn’t in it. I evidently wasn’t ready to put down the doughnuts.

Over these last few weeks something has changed. I don’t know what but I am loving it! Since arriving back from Crete, I have been making small steps on the road to change, and long may it continue.

My aim with this blog series is to post weekly updates and let those who are interested know what I am thinking and how I am changing. I hope to be able to confident enough to be honest and to document the downs as well as the highs. I wish that with each new post that there will be weight loss so that by this time next year- I will be a new me!

All that is left to say for now is, send me all your positive encouragement! ( but no cookies please😂❤️)

Grateful.

I have been feeling incredibly grateful this week for many reasons. For friends. For family and for Peter.

I have an admission to make here as the instalment for this weeks post is technically two weeks in one post but since so much has happened, I didn’t want to miss anything out!

These past few weeks have been very busy! We have traveled down to Birmingham and back again to visit my lovely parents in law, had them stay at our new house and we have also had Liam stay for a week.

On the 21st May, we left Cumbria on a very sunny and hot Monday evening and headed to Birmingham where we arrived quite late but we didn’t mind as we had our usual car karaoke session! Sorry to embarrass you Peter but we were made for the stage! Well I was anyway!

The next few days were filled with lots of laughter and love. We went into Bewdley with Peter’s parents and his sister and our little niece. We had a lovely little picnic by the river next to some angry geese! After a little wander around the town and a stroll by the river, we went back to have a delicious roast where we were joined by Jez to complete the family reunion.

The next few days weren’t as exciting as the previous days as we travelled back to Cumbria and then headed back to work for the next few days. Boring I know! Our evenings however were brilliant as we got to spend more time with Peters parents 😍

On Monday the 28th of May, Liam arrived for a weeks stay at Hotel Millwood, where he was warmly received. The next day was a busy one! We had lots of visitors in the form of my parents and my grandparents who wanted to have a nosy around our new abode.

We said a quick goodbye to them all and headed off for a day of adventuring into Lancaster where we browsed the shops and bought a picnic and headed off to a “park” which was lovely as we basked in the summer heat and sat on a grassy knoll in the “park” However next time, I think I’ll stick to a park bench eh Peter? 😂

Tuesday evening, we headed over to the lovely little village of Elterwater to have a meal with my grandparents and parents. We all had a really lovely time in the Cumbrian sunshine in the garden, reminiscing, catching up and creating some new memories.

Wednesday was my favourite day! Sorry everyone! We went to the Lakeland Safari Oasis to hang out with the wildlife. The snow leopard was my highlight as it came up to the glass and had a good gawp! After spending a few hours with the monkeys and the meerkats we decided it was time for lunch, so it was off to Sizergh barn for some lunch! Yummy! After lunch, we went and dropped Peters parents off at the station before heading back home for some relaxation.

Unfortunately Thursday’s arrival meant that it was time to head back to work and sell, sell, sell!

Peter and I were sad to see our last guest , Liam, leave on Friday morning after a two week spell of having people staying. However, we are looking forward to our next guests arriving in July!

In the meantime, I will see you all next Monday, for the next instalment of ‘This week I’m……………’

Have an absolutely wonderful week!